I delivered the news today

Today was a toughy. We had a great ride today on the Cookie ride, got a lot of yummy treats and had a nice time. All week I have been saying that today was the day I would tell Cecilia about Afghanistan. I needed to say this so I would stay committed to it. It was not easy. I sat there and stared at her trying to find the words I have rehearsed in my mind a thousand times. Finally, I just said-Cecilia I need to talk to you about something and just said it.

Tears, a lot of them. Questions, a lot of them. She doesn't want me to go. She wants to spend time with daddy, but, doesn't want me to go. She is concerned about school, her friends, the kitties, the house, the car, Kevin, Matthew, the family, she even asked how will I pay the bills. She is concerned about everything. I told her it is out in the open now so we can talk about it. I told her we need to be able to talk about it and not just keep it in. I know that is what she does. I told her if we haven't talked about it during the week, we will talk about it on Sundays. I told her through all the changes she will go through, I am in her heart, in her mind and not far away at all. I am an email or phone call away. Then she said, but you won't be there to hug me. You won't be there when I am sad to make me feel better. She said, you will miss two of my birthdays, two of my birthdays, two of everyone's birthdays. Even the kitties birthdays. She said the two weeks in he middle are not long enough, that it is not fair. How will daddy know about her medicine, how will he know to be patient when math is too hard. How will he know about periods and who will shave my armpits. I told her we can't worry about counting down the days till I go, we will worry about the days until I get back. I told her that she needs to tell Daddy when she needs a girl talk so she can talk to her aunts. I told her she will have her own laptop to communicate with me, that she doesn't need to share. It will have pictures of us on it and all the fun things we do. She asked about her room at Daddy's-which is the sort of atic space. I told her there are so many changes that are going to happen in the next couple of years, make-up-she said no way, earrings-she said no way, boys-sigh, not an immediate no way. I told her about the hormones that will going through her will make her angry, sad, happy and emotions she doesn't even know. But, I am always one call or email away. That we will be able to video chat too. I told her I will always be here and we talked about her friends she has now to keep in touch with while she is gone because she will be coming back to the middle school/junior high school they will be in. It all about changes, a lot of them ahead of us, but, if we talk about it-we can get through. I asked her, how she thought I should get through it and she said lots of pictures of her and things that make me happy on the walls of where I have to live. This is the first step in trying to get in the right direction on this. I am so worried what is going to happen in her life without me there-but, realize-I can only do so much. For now, it is out there and that is what is important. Until another day.